Rand Paul’s Filibuster

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Most Understanding Diary,

Damnation!  Someone is challenging me again.  I hate it when that happens!

Rand Paul filibustered all day yesterday.  It made for good entertainment while I ate dinner with GOP top dogs.  Good thing i can still control them at least.

Now, what to do about Paul . . . .

I suppose I could do what I always do to people who challenge me — attack their credibility and call them a conspiracy theorist all the while not answering their questions.

Well, I need to go, the first lady is about to leave to go tell people what they should eat.  Plus, I need my nicotine fix.

XOXO,

Barry “The Most Awesomest President Ever!” Obama

My Dear Friend Hugo Chaves Is Dead :(

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Dearest Diary,

Oh, harsh lament! :(

I just got the most dreadful of dreadiest news.  My friend of many years, Hugo Chaves, is dead.

He was my hero.  He was, and always will be, an inspiration to me.  His can-do spirit always enabled him to do what he wanted,  He threw ethics and the law aside so he could do what he wanted.  That guy was so awesome.  May his spirit live on in my administration!

Forever yours,

Barry “The Most Awesomest President Ever!” Obama

 

Sink Holes

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Sweetest Diary,

I just heard that some unfortunate guy was sucked down into a sink  hole in Florida.   I’m not sure how, but I’m sure it’s Bush’s fault.

I feel so bad for the man who died and for his family.  I’m going to be sure to say prayers to the great monkey god Hanuman tonight on behalf of the guy’s family.

What to do about this sink hole epidemic?  I think I’m going to suggest to Harry Reid that we should make sink holes illegal.   After all, no one is quicker to act without thinking than Harry.  And if he fails, which would not surprise me at all,  maybe I could just use the EPA?  Maybe they could do something about it.  I don’t care if it means shutting down prosperous businesses;  If there is even an inkling of a sink hole under a building, it should immediately be condemned.  I have the constitutional duty to protect citizens from sink holes.  Thank the monkey god Hanuman that the founding fathers were smartified enough to put the sink hole clause in The Constitution, otherwise, nothing could be done about sink holes, ever.

With all my love,

Barry “The Most Awesomest President Ever!” Obama

Bob Woodword

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Wo is me! :( :( :(

Bob Woodward is a big meanie pants! I thought that he was on my side and would say what I tell him to say to the stupid Americans just like the rest of the news media does. I think I oughtta review my back door deals with the other reporters and make sure that they spin Sorros’ propaganda as fact rather than report actual facts.

I’m not too worried though. I have most of the media on my side, except for that stupid Fox News. What a bunch of meanies!

I miss eating Twinkies at lunch.

Well, off to shoot hoops and smoke a cig.

XOXOXO

Love,
Barry “The Most Awesomest President Ever!” Obama

 

Meeting WIth GOP About Sequestration

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Most lovely diary,

Boy!  Sequestration is a really really hard word to spell.  And I don’t even know what it  means.  My puppet master told me to use the word to scare people.   I think it sequestration is when people are condemned to float in the middle of the ocean with no iPad so they get really really super bored.

Well, anyways, I met with the GOP leaders.

John Bayner smelled like cabbage.

The meeting didn’t go well. It only lasted seven minutes until I had to leave to get my nicotine fix. Oh well. At least I can honestly say that I tried meeting with the republicans.

Well, off to watch a re-run of Baywatch.

With love,
Barry “The Most Awesomest President Ever!” Obama

P.S. I’m not sure, but I think that Eric Canter might have ripped one in the meeting. He and Joe should get together.