I can’t believe I pulled it off

It was a joke!  But I ended up being president anyways.

My hand is getting tired.  I’ve been signing so many executive orders. Why is so much time and money wasted on electing congressmen.  Absolutely ridiculous.  Absolutely ridiculous.

This is boring.

I’m an great again!  The White House is great again!


The Donald

Thank Goodness, John Boehner Is A Pansy

Beautiful Diary,

I didn’t get much sleep last night. I had nightmare about being inside a peach.

Yesterday, Sarah Palin, that white bred biddy, said she wants to inpeach me. I hate peaches! Hate ’em.

A picture of John Boner, looking like a jackass coward and traitor.

John Boehner, the coward and traitor

I gave a sigh of relief this morning. John Boner says he’s not going to inpeach me. Sara said that all the illegals coming into the country was the last straw and Boner said he disagreed. That makes me wonder, what is the last straw for Boner? I wonder how far I can push these guys. Hmmm . . . . . .

It never seezes to amaze me how many cowards are in the republican party.


Barry “The Most Awesomest President Ever!” Obama

Illegal Immigrants and Peaches

A photo of Barack Hussein Obama wiping away his tears

BHO cries

Most loveliest diary in the whole wide wide world,

Why do people hate me so badly? I’m the prez! People are suppose too like me and likes what I do. I don’t get it. It’s not fair! :( :( :( ;(

I’m letting all these “illegals” in becuase its the right thing to do for the country. tee partiers, libertyariens, and other wack o’s who are so in love with the constitution are slowing progress down! They are such big cry babies, “We want guns, we want to be left alone, we don’t want to pay high taxes, we like freedom. Waaa waaa waaaa” What a bunch of weenies!

Anyhoo, once all these “illegals” are in place and vote for democrats, we will be able to move the country forward, get rid of guns, regulate the 1st ammendmant, and then my plan will be in high gear to make this country pay for colonial sins. Damn pilgrim puritans.

This will be good for everyone.

And i think it is totally not cool that Sarah Palin wants to inpeach me. I don’t even like eating peaches, so I’m absolutely not going to like beeing in one. I did like the book “James and the Giant Peach” though . It would have been better though if James shared the peach with everyone instead of just his friends. Greedy SOB.


Bary “The Most Awesomest President Ever!” Obama

VA Woes

a picture of obama frowning

a picture of obama frowning

Most delicious diary,

I’m a sad panda! :( :( :( :( :( :(

Firstlyness, I still think that vet should take care of themselves.  Even though they are doctors for animals, the basic stuff should still work with peoples, right?  Makes sense to me.  I have a Columbia  diploma after all!  That means I know more things and stuff like that.

B: I’ve only been prez for five and 1/2 years.  This VA problem is Bush’s fault!  He should have fixified the problems when he was prez.  The thing with  that is, is thatI have more important things to do than to keep tabs on animal doctors.  The VA is great and it does great things to help vets take care of animals, but why should I be involved with it?  I’m suppose to relax and make hartwarming  speeches in front of cameras, not try to do

4;I’m mad as hell!  I’m going to have to launch an investigation only to find out what we already know.  I have to waist my golf time to make a phone call to get this foney baloney investigation started soonly.  Damn it, I hate work.


Barry “The Most Awesomest President EVer” OBama

P.S. #ilikeearwax

OMG! iOS 7 Rocks!!!!!!

Dearest Diary,

I’m so glad that there is finally something to distract me from the crap going on with my job.  Apple finally released the new app for my iPad!!  iOS 7!

It’s so shiny and new!  Lots of new features!  Like, instead of buttons to tap, it’s just words.  And tv episode lists are now on the right instead of the left.  It looks awesome!

Oh, and the new wallpaper on my iPad is really pretty.  Apple are geniuses.  Rock on!

Barry “The Most Awesomest President Ever!” Obama

I’m Spying On Citizens. So What?

Most beautiful diary,

I don’t get it.  Some bozo from the NSA leaked info that me and  my team has been spying on every citizen  for years.  So what if it’s against the law?  No one cares about the law anymore.

And no one has to worry about it unless they are doing something wrong.  I have promised american citizens that.  And I only break my promises if I really, really want to.  I don’t understand why there are so many people mad at me for this.  I wish I could just tell them to leave me alone. :(

It was pretty easy to spy.  I just went to Apple, Google, Facebook, Yahoo, Microsoft, banks, and a bunch more companys and promised them  tax breaks if they let me and my people have access to their customer’s information.  If they didn’t agree, I just sent the IRS after them and they quickly caved.  Greedy worms.  Afraid of losing their money from audits. Ha ha ha!  I sure know how to play ’em.

Thankfully the republicans don’t care.  Boehner is more concerned about catching the traitor who leaked the info.  And so is Eric Canter.  In fact, Canter said that anyone who breaks the law should have to be punished by the law.  Thank goodness he is not applying that to me, or I would be in super big trouble.

Well, I need to get back to more important things, like reading news about the NBA finals.


Barry “The Most Awesomeest President Ever!” Obama

Scandals, Tea Party, IRS, And Gossip Girl

Most dearable diary.

I’ve been neglecting you far too long.  I spanked myself in punishment.  Michelle walked in while I was executing my punishment and she thought it was some weird Kenyan meditation ritual.  That woman is so a racist.

Any who, a lot has happened since last I opined on your glorious pages.  The biggest thing is that lots of people found out about my orders last year to sic the IRS on tea parties and other ******* groups like that.  They deserve all the rectal exams they got from the IRS.  They have no right to question or criticize me, for I am Barack Hussein Obama, the best hope for America and to bring it to its knees for collective salvationism.

There’s been some other scandals out there which are linked to me, but the thing is — I don’t care!  I’m Obama!  I am bulletproof!  No scandal, even all these which are actually spot on, can take me down.  Bring it on you republican pigs!  I am Obama!  I am America!  Nothing is above me, especially not your precious constitution.

Wow.  I think I really need my nicotine, I’m a bit grumpy.

Well, time to channel Nixon.

Love me always,

Barry “The Most Awesomest President Ever!” Obama

P.S. 90210 and Gossip Girl got canceled.  I couldn’t get out of bed for days.  At least there is still Glee :D

Justin Bieber Collapse

Dear Diary,

I feel like my world is being destroyed.  First Rand Paul questions me, and now Justin Bieber collapses on stage.  I’ve put everything on hold until I find out how he is doing.  May the monkey god Hanuman bless him.


Barry “The Most Awesomest President Ever!” Obama